One day last spring I logged into my blog to see the phrase “I wish I didn’t have Aspergers” in my search engine stats.
I knew which of my posts google had brought the searcher to. It was a story of my NT son Tommy asking me if I wished his brother didn’t have aspergers.
It was one post, chronicling one point in my journey.
I thought it was loving. I thought it was accepting.
But, it was in no way what I really wanted to say to this searcher.
As the days went on, I found myself lying awake in bed at night thinking of this google searcher, pondering ways to get them to come back.
There was a conversation we still needed to finish. There were words left unspoken.
It’s not that I thought I had the answers or that I would presume to know what it’s like to have aspergers or to wish I didn’t.
But, I know what it’s like to feel alone and afraid.
I know how it feels to type desperate words into a google search box. I know what it is to wish and pray with every change of phrase that this time it might bring you back an answer or some help or maybe just a little bit of hope.
I may not have the answers for this searcher but I could be a place of hope in the vast sea of search results, couldn’t I?
I could be a virtual hand to hold, a friend to just sit near. Someone to say, ‘I hear you. I see you. You are not alone.’
I just needed to get them to come back.
I brought my thoughts on this to a group of bloggers, both autistic and allistic, I was a part of and watched as these amazing and talented people transformed this seedling of an idea into what would come the be the Autism Positivity Flash Blog.
From then on whenever someone types that phrase into google, they are brought pages of people reaching out to them, maybe with some of the answers they sought, maybe with a helping hand they need, or maybe just with a little hope.
My association with this remains one of the most wonderful things that blogging has brought me.
My last entry here was to say good bye. A descision I have agonized over before and since. I have grieved the loss of my place here, on these pages and in this community.
I walked away, took a break, and buried my head in the sand to all things autism and blogging in an effort to avoid the questions I couldn’t answer for myself and the hard conversations I didn’t know how to have.
That is until this past week.
A week that reminded me of how my boy pays the price for the ignorance that still swirls around autism.
A week that reminded me that the hard conversations need to be had, but if we are careful they don’t have to alienate.
A week that reminded me that these blogs are so much more than some words on a screen, that there is connection and community here. That what is happening here means something to me and it means something to others.
A week that brought me an email from a dear blogging friend, reaching out a hand to check in, and to invite me to participate in this year’s Autism Positivity Flash blog if I felt able. A friend who reminded me there is work yet to be done.
So, I don’t yet have all the answers to my blogging questions. But, that’s not important.
I will be writing in the flash blog on Tuesday because what is important is that there are still so many searchers.
Many of them continue to find their way to my blog.
For them and everyone else who is searching there is still a conversation we need to finish.
There are still words left unspoken.
If you would like to write something for the flash blog as well you can do the following.
1. Publish your post on April 30th in the following title format: “ [Your Blog] celebrates 1000 Ausome Things #AutismPositivity2013″
2. Share your post on Twitter, Facebook, and any other social media site using that hashtag (#AutismPositivity2013)
3. Add your link to the Autism Positivity website submit here